Easter Improved

I did not have to go to church. My date flew solo to a local church to "fellowship" while I stayed in bed to do the crossword puzzle.

After that we drove to his sister's house for the brunch. The Easter rabbit that eats children was not in attendance, sadly. There were many small children there and way too much high pitched shrieking for my ears.

On the bright side, there was no geriatric basket hunting and the hash brown casserole was devoured. One brother in law declared it "excellent" and had thirds.

Next we drove to the nursing home. We said, "Merry Christmas!" and "Happy New Year!" as we handed out candy to anyone who wandered near us.

Then we went to the hospital to visit my date's dad. That was fun and uplifting.

It is now 4 PM, time for a nap followed by some Chinese food for dinner. Then it's back on the hamster wheel all over again in the morning.

Easter

I like Easter. It's spring, things are starting to bud and bloom and it involves candy. What's not to like?

Well, for one, church. My date is "Catholic light" which means he goes to Mass on Easter and Christmas. Being a good spouse I *usually* go with him.

There is a part of Catholic mass where the congregation extends a "sign of peace". (It comes after the collection, of course.) This means you have to smile and shake hands or hug people in your immediate vicinity. I completely hate this. Some people really make a production of it and stretch over two pews to reach you.

When was that hand last washed? Are viral particles stuck on it? Was it recently in the restroom and not washed afterwards? (No question it had just touched money for the shake down part of the mass.) My face frozen in rictus, I hold my elbows close to my body to avoid extending my handshaking arm too far. I can't wait to pull out my little bottle of hand sanitizer.

And Easter brunch is always filled with nasty foods. This year I have been charged with bringing the hash brown casserole. This is a vile concoction of frozen hash browns, cream of chicken soup, onions, sour cream and cheddar cheese. I am going to use fresh grated potatoes but as they say, you can't polish a turd.

On the other hand, there is candy.

I have to admit I am kind of fond of non-traditional chocolate animals for Easter, too. Like this small mouthed frog.

These are 9 on a scale of 1 to 10 for me.

But this is my crack cocaine of Easter candy. Malted milk eggs. My date genuinely does not understand how you can eat an entire bag of candy. He is just that kind of annoying thin person. Many of my close friends understand, though.

I think maybe even Jesus does too because in this picture he is showing his doctor where it hurt after he ate the whole bag of candy.

Happy Easter to you and yours!

Christmas Is Coming

Christmas is coming and I am getting fat(ter)

Please to put a penny in the old man's hat...

As of today, November 28 there are only 26 days left until Christmas.

Which means some frantic last minute shopping for a lot of people, myself included.

But this year I decided not to bow at the altar of excessive and unnecessary gifts.

I decided to look for things that would be useful and appreciated.

This was much easier said than done as I had already ruled out giving cash.

(My cash is in the backyard in the form of a greenhouse this holdiay season.)

But when I went shopping (online, of course) I was quite surprised at some of the unusual gifts that could be had this year.

Discreet Odor Neutralizer Pads

Never be embarrassed by “escaped” gas again!

We all have our “moments,” so be prepared when they happen! These soft-fabric, odor neutralizer pads absorb any smells that are accidentally released.

Décolleté Pads
Smooth wrinkle lines on your chest!

Here’s a safer, more affordable alternative to Botox or surgery! Decollete Pads help reduce the appearance of wrinkles on your chest so your skin looks younger — and you can feel good again wearing a swimsuit or low-cut top.

Kush™ Bosom Sleep Support
Support your breasts for a better night’s sleep.
As seen on The Doctors TV Show!

Firm yet lightweight, the Kush™ Bosom Sleep Support makes side sleeping more comfortable, especially for the woman with C cups or larger. Once you try it, you won’t want to sleep without it!

Dream Water
Dream Water helps you relax and fall asleep, naturally.

All-natural Dream Water combines melatonin, 5-HTP and GABA (gamma amino butyric acid) to help you relax, reduce anxiety and drop off to sleep. Dream water is 80 proof.

This is for your Christmas tree, not your date.

I'm afraid my Christmas spirit is dead. Fruitcakes might not be bad gifts after all.

Hope your Christmas is a merry one!

Something Different for Easter

Easter is a holiday filled with tradition. Family gatherings, going to church, looking for Easter eggs or Easter baskets and of course, the traditional Easter breakfast.

My date and I have spent nearly every Easter for the last 20 years with his family.

Time marches on. Everyone is getting older.

My date and his sisters are now all well into their 5th and 6th decades.

Their mother still hides Easter baskets for them.

She still uses the baskets from their childhood.

It is a sad sight to see them pull out their reading glasses to see whose name is on the handle of the basket.

It is even sadder when they do not find the baskets despite the fact they are in exactly the same place as they were last year.

They still argue about who got the most candy.

I love Easter eggs.

I love the colors.

I love the way they look together.

I love the candy (except for Peeps).

And I like the breakfast with the exception of the greasy pockmarked fried eggs and salty ham that has been part of a certain breakfast for many years.

I prefer sweet rolls.

Hot cross buns are pretty popular all over the country.

In our area, schnecken are a big hit. This is a rich pastry roll that contains a half a pound of butter per piece. It's delicious.

This year I think I will offer to host the Easter breakfast at my house.

It's all decorated really nicely with spring things:

My bird nest treasures

Flowers

But I think I will depart from the menu of the last 20 years and serve a different kind of homemade bread.

This bread is made in Thailand by an artist.

It is fully edible.

I think there will be plenty of leftovers.

Yum.

And it's unlikely I will ever have to host a meal again.

Darn.

Happy Easter!!!